Monday, January 19, 2009

How to Chat Up a Boy and Get Laid

You see him. He's fucking hot. He makes you feel horny and scared at the same time. Your mouth goes dry. You take a drink, you muster your courage, and you go up to him. You say hello and ask him how he is. (Who needs pickup lines?) You exchange names. You ask him what he does. You talk in terms of his interests. You ask a lot of questions. You talk about yourself only when you have something in common. The conversation flows. He feels important. You don't have to ask about his hobbies for a long time. You're so in, man.

What if he doesn't want to talk? Well, move on, motherfucker. He's not interested. Don't take it personally. Some guys have things on their mind. Some have major problems. Some are just fucking weird. Some have the worst taste in men. Some are fucking slut whores looking for sex without conversation. Some are hurting and itching from STDs. It's not always about you, jerkoff. Get over yourself! Find the next fucking hot wanker who gives you a woody.

So you get a beautiful boy talking. You focus on his world. You don't get to hobbies for a long time. That's a good fucking sign. Conversation's an art, man. You work on it everyday. It pays off bigtime in your sex life. Time melts away. You guys talk for an hour --or maybe even two! You take his hand and ask him if he wants his fortune told. No one refuses. (What a slick motherfucker!) You don't know a lot about palmistry, but no matter. A little goes a long fucking way.

Now you go in for the kill. You suggest a walk. You guys go to some place secluded. You talk a little more. You hold hands, caress his back, whatever. You've done everything right. The first kiss is magnetic. It just seems to happen, but you only got close to him. You make it look like his idea, or a mutual one. All the while, you're in the driver's seat. You see, the snake beguiled him.

How far do you go on the first date? Do you just kiss? Do you feel each other up? Do you suck each other? Do you jack off together? Do you say the hell with it and fuck yourselves silly?

News flash: It really doesn't fucking matter. You do what you feel like. There're plenty of couples who fucked on the first date, and there're plenty who didn't. They're all together, because they're just so into each other. It has nothing to do with scoring base hits or home runs. All those first date questions are quaint, obsolete, old-fashioned. This is sex in the postmodern world.

You do what you feel like. You have a good time. You use flavored condoms. (The Coca-Cola ones are dick-licking good!) If something's not right, or you feel uncomfortable, you stop. You're the man. You're in control. You're supposed to enjoy fooling around.

You end on a good note. You don't act like an asshole. You still talk to the guy. You exchange cell numbers, because you never know. You might never see him again, but you maintain your drama-free zone by separating on good terms. Better yet, you might have found a good-time boy --that is, a friend with privileges-- or you might have a boyfriend on your hands. (They seem to come out of nowhere when you least expect them.) It depends on the chemistry and what you're both looking for.

Above all, you hit the showers after fooling around. You don't want a gift that keeps on giving. All tension goes down the drain. You're clean and satisfied. You're a fucking god. You smile when you look in the mirror. Great game, man!

Photo Credits:
Fully Clothed Kiss 1 -- Owen & Billy, Sean Cody 
     (Owen is on the right);
Talking Boys 2 -- Devin & Owen, Sean Cody (Devin is on the right);
Shirtless Kiss 3 -- Cooper & Owen, Sean Cody (Cooper is on the left);
Football Jock Play 4 -- Brent & Xander, Randy Blue (Brent is on the
Naked Kiss 5 -- Trey & Ken, Sean Cody (Trey is on the left);
Kitchen Fuck 6 -- Danny & Billy, Sean Cody (Danny is topping).

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Real Men Take Turns Fucking Each Other

Want a good laugh? Brouse any dating website, and you'll see the stupidest, most idiotic, dumb fuck comments about sex. Some guys say, "I'm 100% top," or "I'm a total bottom," or my favorite, "I'm straight as an arrow." What the fuck ever!

Gay, bi, straight, top, and bottom are nothing but social labels. They have nothing to do with what goes on in the bedroom. I've dated guys who swore up and down they were completely top, but when we got naked, they all spread their legs for me. I'd like to brag that I'm a notorious top flipper, but the truth is, it's not that hard to do.

All guys who fuck around with guys eventually come to the same conclusion: Playing pitcher and catcher is Paradise on Earth. Versatile: Now that's a label for hypermasculine motherfuckers. It fucking means something. Versatile means really experienced. It means no sexual hangups whatsoever. It means a guy who enjoys the full range of his sexuality.

A man's man fucks ass, and then takes it up his ass. What? He bottoms for some guys? Isn't that passive? Isn't that feminine? Isn't that being someone's bitch? Isn't that enjoying sex like a woman? Isn't that a flaming faggot thing to do?

Far fucking from it. A case in point: American military men are national symbols of masculinity. They defend the country, they fuck everything that moves --in several countries-- and they love --I mean, love-- having dicks up their asses. Why's that?

I think I know why. I enjoy fucking guys. I love how my dick feels when I top. I get off working a guy's ass and watching him cum, but a man's got to have some variety in his life. Playing pitcher all the time gets boring. That's why I ask my boys to fuck me sometimes.

The experience is totally different for me. Taking a dick up my ass makes every inch of my body feel so fucking great. Oh! It's not just my dick that's high, and the cumming is totally spontaneous. Man! That orgasm comes out of fucking nowhere. I can predict and control it while pitching, but catching's a different story.

I think military fuckers, like other men's men, really dig the world of difference bottoming brings. All that fucking teaches them what a riot being versatile is, and there's nothing sissy about it. Watch a Pierre Fitch video, if you want to see what an aggressive butch bottom motherfucker is like.

He says, "Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, oh fuck yeah, oh fuck yeah, fuck yeah, I love how you fuck my ass, oh, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck me harder, fuck me harder, oh yeah, oh yeah, fuck me harder, oh fuck yeah, fuck yeah, FUCK yeah, FUCK yeah, FUCK yeah, OH, OH, OH, OH."

Love him or hate him. You've got to admit the guy's got balls. He tops and does ménage à trois like most gay porn stars, but his pièce de résistance is mean, rough and tough, loud trade while playing catcher. Topping and bottoming with aggressive enthusiasm is great fun, and it makes a man out of you.

Every guy should have a boyfriend to pitch and catch with. I think the straight world has so many problems, because males get bored out of their skulls topping their women. Some guys become alcoholic golfers. Others ask their girls to finger them, or worse yet, fuck them with strap-ons, but there's nothing like a dick.

For those gay guys who call themselves total bottoms because of lack of size, cut it out! Keep fucking. God gave you compatible partners to top. Find them. They're out there. Some guys really get off on the back door stimulation of a shorter dick.

The taboo against taking it up the ass comes from the Romans. To them, a real man penetrated males and females, but he was never penetrated himself. What a fucking lame tradition! Avoiding versatility is sexually ignorant and repressive. It's time to open up and enjoy male sexuality to its fullest extent. I mean, one million American servicemen can't be wrong.

Photo Credits:
Sex on Blue Sheets 1 --  Bailey's Fuck Buddy from Sean Cody
     (Bailey is standing and fucking Jess);
Sex in the Gym 2 -- Chris & Brodie from Sean Cody
    (Chris is playing catcher);
Military Trade 3 -- Man Up: Shane Frost, Alexsander Freitas
     from Falcon Studios 
     (Shane is feeling up Alexsander.);
Sex on the Couch 4 -- Clark & Ford from Sean Cody
     (Clark is bottoming.);
Sex on White Sheets 5 -- Pierre Fitch and Brent Everett
     from Pierre Fitch Online 
     (Pierre is bottoming.);
Sex by the Wall 6 -- Dave & Trey from Sean Cody 
     (Dave is topping.)
Russell Crowe as Maximus 7 -- Gladiator. Dir. Ridley Scott.
     DreamWorks Pictures, Universal Pictures, Scott Free
     Productions, and Red Wagon Entertainment, 2000.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Enjoy Video about Premature Ejaculators

"Jizz in My Pants" by The Lonely Island is a hilarious take on premature ejaculation. It first appeared on Saturday Night Live. Justin Timberlake has a cameo in this video. Can you find him?

How to Become a Multiorgasmic Stud

We were all premature ejaculators. We were teenagers. It didn't take much for us to blow our loads. Sex was so new. We came at the most embarrassing times. A funny video about this theme is "Jizz in My Pants" by The Lonely Island. It's posted next.

Anyway, with time, with more lovers, with more experience, we learned more self-control. We finally could penetrate without cumming. We could actually last a minute, then two, then three, etc. Finally, we learned to fuck.

Unfortunately, many guys never pass this point. Some screw for a while, cum, then quit. Others fuck, cum, and keep fucking, but feel tired doing so, because they're already spent. There's got to be a better way.

There is. Guys, like girls, can be multiorgasmic. It starts with separating orgasms from ejaculation. You can have fun learning this while jerking off.

Stroke your shaft with one hand and massage your balls with the other. When you approach the point of no return, stop. Don't cum. Just enjoy the dry orgasm. When the sperm in your dick simmers down, jack off again. Stop before cumming. Enjoy the dry contractions. Repeat again and again.

If you accidentally cum, don't worry. Practice again some other time. Learn when to stop without spewing. Find your borderline.

You may find after several dry orgasms, you won't feel like blowing your load. It may even be impossible. No matter: You'll be high from the dry throbbing.

When I fuck my boys, I can last as long as I want. We can do every position imaginable. When the guy is really hot, or I haven't jacked off in a while, I may have to stop a few times to have some dry contractions, but later I reach my plateau. Either way, I become a human dildo.

Dry orgasms make cumming more difficult, but that makes sex more fun. After fucking every which way, I have my boy lay face down, and I bang him fast and hard. I pound my guy's ass 240 times a minute. He fucking screams with pleasure. I lose myself in rapid repetition. My muscles glean with sweat. My banging becomes the best conditioning exercise ever. I pump on and on.

Slowly, sperm pressure builds inside my dick. I hold the cum back. My shaft gets fuller and fuller. I keep fucking and fucking, until finally, it becomes inevitable. I spear my boy with my deepest thrust ever, exploding inside him. He screams louder, enjoying every feeling of my final hit.

The Multi-Orgasmic Man

A good book on the subject is The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know by Mankak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava (San Francisco: Harper, 1996, ISBN 0-06-251336-2). Get it, read it, and enjoy the new jack-off exercises. Some of the Eastern philosophy may be a little too abstract, but focus on what's important: Fuck like you've always dreamed of. Keep your boys coming back for more. Be a god of all things sexual.

Photo Credits:
Acrobatic Doggie Style 1 -- Rodney & Wesley from Sean Cody 
     (Rodney is bottoming.);
Masturbating Hunk 2 -- Dan from Sean Cody;
Bottom on Top 3 -- Danny & Billy from Sean Cody 
     (Danny is fucking and jerking off Billy.);
Sex in the Kitchen 4 -- Danny & Billy from Sean Cody 
     (Danny is topping.);
The Multi-Orgasmic Man 5 -- Mankak Chia and
     Douglas Abrams Arava, San Francisco: Harper, 1996;
Crab Style Variation 6 -- Mitch & Curtis from Sean Cody 
     (Mitch is fucking Curtis).

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sexual Cleanliness is Next to Greek Godliness

I'm always ready to get laid. I have to be. My chances to fuck are often unpredictable, but my boys always find me clean. I shower every morning. If I take a dump, I take a half bath. I also hit the shower before jumping into bed naked. Got to keep the sheets clean.

This is no surprise. I grew up in a warm climate. Men in the tropics do the same, but what the fuck can we do in colder regions? Up north, frequent showers can really dry out your skin. The trick is in the soap. When it's cold, you can still shower twice a day by just soaping up your head, pits, dick, and ass. That way, you're clean, yet moisturized. When it's hot, soap up all over.

I like to look clean too, motherfuckers. I trim down my body hair. Some guys shave down, and more power to them. I can't. It makes me break out. I can shave my shaft and balls without any problem, though. Go figure. Anyway, we all look like hot, ancient Greek statues. I fucking love this style. Hell, I was trimming down before it became popular. When people asked, I told them I was a swimmer, which I was. I still am! The pool is a great place to meet guys.

Above all, I fucking act clean. I carry condoms and lube every time I go out. If a guy complains, I tell him, "Protecting me is protecting you." No guy protests after that. Have I had unprotected sex? Fuck yeah, but only with boyfriends I've had for a while. I have to know the fucker's disease-free and not the stepping-out kind.

When I fuck, I have good clean safe fun. I cover the bed with a slut comforter. My boy and I use condoms, but we squirt each other with lube, and sometimes sperm. We roll around and wrestle and don't give a fuck about the mess. (I don't rim. That's a good way to get parasites, bitches!) Then, I throw the slut comforter in the hamper.

I love showering with my boy after a sexual workout. (Gay male loud trade sounds like a gym!) Lathering up each other fucking rocks --and it prevents a lot of problems. We sleep together in a dry, clean bed, until we wake up horny again. No problem: I have several condoms --and comforters.

Photo Credits:
Pool Boy 1 -- Carlos Freire;
Locker Room Boy 2 -- Edilson Nascimiento;
Naked Couple Kissing 3 -- Photo by American photographer
     Clifford Baker, c. 2001;
Well Hung Shower Stud 4 -- Joseph Reitano;
Sleeping Lover 5 -- Model Johanne by French photographer
     Fred Goudon.