Thursday, March 26, 2009

Follow the Bad-Ass Urban Acrobatics of 3Run

Whoa, dudes! Check this video out. It fucking rules. In Brothers' Journey, 3Run's Cole and Chase Armitage showcase their free running skills in various settings. The stunts and choreography are bad-ass, but they're also fucking beautiful. Cole and Chase glide through the air with athletic grace, and some of the park, coastal, and architectural settings take your breath away. It's an obstacle course on steroids.

3Run is a British production company specializing in free running. Their website is The British urban sport grew out the Twentieth Century French military obstacle course tradition, known as parcours in French and Parkour in English. Free running began hitting the media in the 90s. Americans probably know it best from the 2006 James Bond movie Casino Royale and Madonna's Jump video from the same year.

Free running is a combination of Parkour, acrobatics, martial arts, and good old-fashioned movie stunts. Those who like to watch skateboarding will love free running. It takes on obstacles that are out of reach for skateboarders.

The free runners I've seen are lean and mean. They tend to be on the tall and toned side. When they do their stunts shirtless or in muscle Ts, they're so fucking beautiful, man. Wish I could move like that. I'd love to impress a date with a free running move. Talk about sealing the deal. I'll start out slow and very, very safe. It's a dangerous sport, but that's why it's so fucking hot.

Additional Photo Credit:
Daniel Craig as James Bond 2 -- Casino Royale. Dir. Martin
     Campbell. Columbia Pictures, 2006.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fuck Yeah, I'm a Butch Faggot! You Got a Problem with That, Buddy?

Bailey (left) and Jess show off their muscles in the Sean Cody classic Bailey's Fuck Buddy. While Sean Cody's website features some of the most artistic scenes in gay male porn, the claim about its actors being straight strains credibility. The Sean Cody men do not seem naive about gay sex.

Okay guys, here’s the deal. We've been wallowing in testosterone. We've been real men talking about manly things. We've rapped about sex, porn, sports, nudity, and bodybuilding, but we've never breached the subject of our effeminate counterparts.

We've called them fems, queens, flamers, sissies, fairies, nellies, pansies, fruitcakes, limp wrists, and girlie men. They've called us down low, closeted, homophobic, and self-hating, but behind all the name-calling is a debate that's raged on since the 70s: To be masculine or to be effeminate. That is the question.

I freely admit that the term straight-acting is problematic. We're gay men. There's nothing straight about our sexuality, but straight men don't corner the market in masculinity. There are plenty of straight men who are more feminine than the women are!

Masculine is a better name for butch fags. Masculine gay males love all things masculine: athletes, cowboys, tradesmen, policemen, military trade, frat/college boys, etc. They love the gym, they love muscle, they love sports, they love the locker room, and they love the world of men.

This is not self-hating or homophobic. This is just what gives them a hard-on. Masculine: The dick goes up. Effeminate: The dick goes down. Effeminate men are even more divided. Some want masculine boyfriends, while others like flamboyant ones such as themselves.

All minorities have internal divisions. Lesbians and gay men don’t always see eye to eye. Lighter-skinned and darker-skinned blacks don’t always like each other. Feminists used to call lesbians the Lavender Menace. Asian, Latino, and Hispanic are ridiculous names that ignore nationalism. Chinese and Japanese immigrants have different histories, and Puerto Ricans couldn’t care less about Mexican-American issues.

Gay males cannot argue away the butch/fem divide. It’s just something we’re going to have to live with. In fact, it’s a division that’s bigger than us. Every gay man has heard jokes about lipstick lesbians and butch dykes on bikes. Our lesbian sisters have a similar divide.

The so-called straight world is even worse. Weight gain and administrative power tend to masculinize women. Christian churches, with their constant denial of the body, feminize men. The sissy, limp-wristed family man is Christianity’s answer to the drag show.

Speaking of which, drag shows have been a source of comedy since time immemorial. Effeminate men shouldn’t complain when some people laugh at them. Drag is drag. It comes with the territory. We all enjoy RuPaul and that new Internet drag sensation Kelly. Role reversal has always been universally funny.

Some people have called the hypermasculine gay male culture a form of drag, that is, an affected behavior which tries to prove that masculine gay men are just as manly as straight ones. That’s too much of a stretch. Gay male athletes and gym rats aren’t overcompensating anymore than other men are.

Masculine gay men enjoy bulking up at the gym. They enjoy improving their sports skills. They enjoy the comradery of games and workouts. These activities are physically and socially healthy. The only difference is that masculine gay men appreciate the sexual side of all that male swagger.

Once in a great while, funny things happen in sports, but athletics mainly derive their entertainment value from competition and self-improvement. There's no comedy of gender role reversal here. Hypermasculine gay males are men’s men, not drag in any sense of the word. Even hypermasculine subcultures, such as bears, clones, and leathermen, are rather unfunny. They make interesting choices in clothes, but drag they aren't.

Rather than arguing over the rejection or acceptance of gender roles, gays should use their internal divisions to their political advantage. Hypermasculine gay men have more in common with manly straight men. Effeminate men, gay and straight, can compare notes. Lipstick lesbians can talk to regular girls, and butch lesbians can identify with their pushy straight counterparts. Lincoln was not always right. Divided, our house can stand.

Additional Photo Credits:
Moschino Jeans Boy 1 -- The effeminate Carson Kressley
     became famous through the 2003-07 Bravo show
     Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
Shower Jocks 2 -- Three uncredited muscle boys hit the showers
     in The Brazilian Sauna by Sean Cody. 
Blonde Drag Act 3 -- Liam Sullivan plays Kelly, a rebellious
     teenaged girl, in the 2006 video Shoes. 
Gym Rat 4 -- Luke Guldan is better known as a model and a
     bodybuilder than an actor.
Beach Football 5 -- This picture's origin is unknown.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Walk the Walk of a Fucking Hot Male Model

Floridian Nick Auger causes a sensation by going commando at the 2004 Fitness and Model Expo (FAME) Model Universe Contest in Miami. Catwalking without underwear was the icing on his 210-pound beefcake. Auger took home the first place trophy and later made a splash as a fitness model.

Want to stop traffic? Practice your catwalk. I'm serious. Military men and marching band guys learn to carry themselves fairly well from all that drill, but modelling really makes you a hot motherfucker.

Male models have a determined walk --not too fast and not too slow. They have a cold stare. They look straight ahead as they walk. They're a little cocky --in more ways than one. They communicate confidence. They make everyone in the room want their dicks.

The first step to turning heads is that old stand-by: the classic pushup. Commit to one set of pushups everyday. Every man should do this. It improves your posture by pushing your shoulders back and opening your chest.

A good place to practice your walk is the gym. That's where you can find the requisite big mirrors. Another advantage is that no one will care what you're doing. Most gym members pose, flex, walk, and watch themselves do reps. They won't even notice you.

Face the mirror from a distance and walk towards it. Look straight ahead. Focus on an imaginary horizon. Counterbalance: When you step forward with your left foot, your right arm should naturally swing forward. When your right foot comes forward, your left arm naturally swings forward.

Walk with a slightly cocky attitude --but not too much! In this case, less is more. This should be so subtle. Too much shoulder bouncing looks cartoonish.

When you reach the mirror, stop. The feet should be square with the shoulders. Pause. Allow your body to lean back. Step back with your right foot. Turn and begin the walk back with your left foot.

Walk. Stop. Pause. Lean back. Step back with right. Turn. Step with left. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Practice.

Catwalks are more difficult than they look. They take a lot of practice. You can perfect your turns at home and at the gym, but you can concentrate on your walk everywhere! You should always be on. With time, it'll get you noticed, it'll make you more confident, and it'll make guys want to get in your pants. You'll be the fucking man, dude!

Additional Photo Credits:
Horny Stare 2 -- Argentinian Model Juan Miguel;
Undressing Jock 3 --  Channing Tatum;
Poolside Fuck 4 -- Aden rides Jordan's dick in
     Malibu Heat from Falcon Studios.