Saturday, April 18, 2009

Act Like You've Got a Pair: Kiss Your Hot Studly Guy in Public!

Public male kissing is a necessary requirement for gay equality. It's also a gesture of enormous beauty and eroticism, partly due to the sexual outlaw status. The normalization of male kissing will liberate all forms of masculine affection in the public arena. American males presently grow up starved for physical touch, due to homophobia --a state of affairs that Generations X and Y are struggling to change.

Focus on my new hot boy. He's handsome, talkative, and so into me. I couldn't wait for our first date. There we were: sitting close to each other at a restaurant. The conversation was going great. We couldn't keep our eyes off each other. I couldn't stand the tension any longer.

I told him, "Come here. I want to tell you something." We leaned toward each other, and I gave him a nice, respectable five-second French kiss. We smiled at each other, and I said, "Sweet!" He looked down and blushed. He's fucking cute that way.

Pan out to the restaurant. Our kiss caused a bit of a stir. A few people went into "Oh my God" mode. They didn't know they were being played. My boy and I weren't that spontaneous. We had talked about doing our first kiss in public before.

We thought it'd be a ballsy, bad ass thing to do. We'd so admire each other for taking a risk. We'd so get hot for cowboying up and christening our date in public. We'd win one for the movement and look as horny as straights do.

Switch to a medium shot of a college girl who walked up to our table with her man in tow.
"Are you guys boyfriends?" she asked.
"I don't know," I said. "It's our first date."
"Well, do it, do it, do it!"
We all laughed at her sexual cheerleading.

Move to a close-up of a baby boomer who approached us with his ex-hippie second wife.
"Hey," he said, "you shouldn't be here. This is a family restaurant."
"Oh, yeah?" I said as I stood up. "Well, what're you going to do about it?"
My date jumped up and told him to move on. (Whoa! My boy has balls! I couldn't wait to suck them. He shaves them, you know.)

That guy's eyes got real big. He wasn't going to win against two big, strapping boys. I mean, we probably didn't seem like alpha males sitting down. The wife tried to recover by threatening to complain to the manager. My boy told her to do it already. Our money was just as green as theirs.

That was the end of it --and the beginning. My boy and I were so psyched. We were so proud. We were so hot for each other. We wanted to clear the table right then and do it. It was fucking tough not getting naked that night, but we had promised each other no sex on the first date. The second one was a different story, and the third, fourth, fifth, and so on.

Cut to other public places. We're a couple of obnoxious frat boys. We cuss like motherfuckers. We laugh at each other's jokes. We push each other around. We put our arms around each other. Funny thing is, all the young straight guys do the same. What's different? My boy and I sometimes kiss out in the open, and of course, we go home to fuck.

We're not stupid. There are still places where we'd get shot. We find acceptable risks, we kiss, and we ultimately get away with it. Those who dare say anything instantly have two aggressive guys on their hands.

Kissing in public has made my boy and I better men. The constant risk-taking makes our blood race. It unites us. It makes our sex life better. We lose ourselves in each other's eyes. We also help each other in daily life. We look people in the eye more. We assert our interests more. We back each other up more. We'd do anything for each other.

Have our public displays of affection (PDA) actually helped us fall in love? My boy has talked about wanting to be in love. I've said it'd be great to be someone special in a guy's life. Gay male love is a rare commodity, but refusing to hide our affection is not just political. Rejecting invisibility has pushed us into a new personal direction. Is it love? I don't know. Stay tuned.

This is what I know. We enjoy laying bare our lust. We enjoy the intensified masculinity of it all. We enjoy commanding respect wherever we go. We enjoy building Rome one arena at a time.

Photo Credits:
Shirtless Kiss 1 -- Unknown origin;
Kiss in Clothes 2 -- Casting still for As the World Turns
     online spinoff InTurn on;
Asian Indian Beauty 3 -- Bollywood actress Pryanka Chopra;
Abercrombie & Fitch Jerseys 4 -- Twin models Kyle (left)
     and Lane Carlson;
Rowdy Football Players 5 -- Twin models Kyle (right)
     and Lane Carlson;
Boat Dock Couple 6 -- Unknown origin.