Everybody's Got to Learn Sometime

I had fooled around with a couple of boys in high school, but these flings never led to anything substantial. That all changed, when I went to college and met Chris. He was in my American Humanities class, and he was disarmingly handsome. He was tall like me, and he had black, curly hair and a thick, hairy chest --my three weaknesses. Chris was a dead ringer for Lance Guest, best known for co-starring in Halloween II (1981).

Anyway, we soon were running, playing basketball, throwing the Frisbee, and going to the movies together, all under the guise of being "best friends," for in those days, it was dangerous to be openly gay. Homosexuality was against the law, but forget the police. That was the least of our worries. The possibility of being socially humiliated was the greater threat.

Chris had a victory ritual of ending a basketball game. After playing, Chris and I would bounce the ball one time each, and the winner would carry it to the end of the court, with the other walking along side. At the court's edge, the winner would hand the ball to the other, who, in turn, would give it right back. The winner bounced the ball once, and then, the ritual was over.

One night, we went to our basketball park, and we sat on a picnic table and talked. No one else was there. The place was dark, warm, and quiet. After a while, I told myself, "Well, Juan, it's now or never," and I put my arm around Chris. Surprisingly, he didn't shrug it off. He just smiled and said, "I like you a lot, Juan." I told him the same, and then, we started the longest kiss of our lives, during which, we felt each other's chests, backs, and finally our hard cocks in our pants.

In spite of the great religious taboo against anything gay, nothing happened to us. The fires of Hell didn't descend upon us. There was no earthquake. No angel appeared to call us an abomination. Our kissing and petting was shockingly human, normal, natural --and ironically manly.

We went to Chris' apartment and undressed in front of each other. We both sported a little body scruff, but our pubic hair was so plentiful, it looked like fuzz. He was good-looking, but unbeknownst to me, I was, too. I just didn't realize it.

Without saying anything, we jumped into bed and took turns giving each other the Princeton rub. Chris got on top of me, thrust his hard-on next to mine for about a minute, and he blew his load on my abs, my chest, and even my face! Then, I returned the favor and didn't last any longer. Afterwards, we laid there, spent, happy, and wet with a mess of sperm. Later, we had fun soaping each other up in the shower.

We jacked each other off in this way several times, but we never fucked each other, because we were so young and inexperienced. We weren't psychologically ready to go all the way. It's a big step to pitch and catch with guys for the first time --especially in an outlaw sexuality. No one talked to me or Chris about what to expect. We had to figure out how to seduce men by ourselves.

At any rate, Chris was impulsive. One day, all of a sudden, he moved away, but I would still visit him in his new town, when I could scrape the money together. Then, he up and joined the Navy. We wrote each other a few times, but I soon learned that long distance relationships rarely worked. Better to let Chris fade and pursue a countless number of friends and boyfriends in my own college town. I loved Chris so, but for him, I was an infatuation, an experiment.

I never spoke to Chris again, though in my mind, I wished him well, but his life ended tragically. He did marry a woman, which made me wonder if he was bisexual, or just temporarily gay. He also joined a small town police force. He met his end, when he tried to arrest several hotel robbers hiding out in a cemetery. He was overpowered and shot at point blank in the head --with his own gun. The police did arrest and convict the gang, but it took many years.

What does one say, when someone important in your life is murdered? Chris was my first real boyfriend, he started my series of sexual adventures, and he taught me the limits of my hopeless romanticism. He also showed me that it was possible to be gay and masculine. Above all, Chris made me realize when to call it quits. Young people can be excused for chasing love over long distances, but there comes a time when we all have to outgrow such excesses. All politics is local, and much of love should be, too.

Things have changed, since those days. Gay males no longer have to hide as much. We have gay marriage, but strangely, we don't enjoy employment protections. So, we can get married in the morning and fired in the afternoon. Still, our lives are becoming more normalized. I'm married now to a beautiful, muscle boy husband, and we have pets, bills, and mortgages.

From time to time, I think about Chris. He contributed greatly to the man I am today. What was probably an indulgence for him meant the world to me. From early on, I knew I could date handsome, high quality guys. Yes, I could play above my league --and I ultimately married above my station. Strange how Chris casts a long shadow, even in death.

Photo credits:
Astronaut 1 -- Alex (Lance Guest) publicity shot for
     the movie The Last Starfighter (1984) in 
     Teen Beat;
Paramedic 2 -- Jimmy (above / Lance Guest) with
     Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) in Halloween II (1981);
Guys about to Kiss 3 -- Stuart (left / Aiden Murphy)
     and Nathan (Charlie Hunnam) in the British
     version of Queer as Folk (1999-2000);
Frontage 4 -- Tanner (above) fucks Brandon for
     Sean Cody;

Shower Boys 5 -- Origin unknown;
Naked Bed Buddies 6 -- Origin unknown;
Paramedic 7 -- Jimmy (Lance Guest) in Halloween II;
Light Scruff 8 -- Model Lance Parker.