The gym's closed, and the weather's a bitch. So, how can we get our cardiovascular workout in? Simple: Strip off your clothes, wear nothing but socks and tennis shoes, do 60 jumping jacks, jog around the house for four minutes, do 60 more jumping jacks, jog for four more minutes, repeat the cycle as needed.
Why naked? Ditching clothes increases your range of motion. It also makes you more of a man. I do the jumping jacks in front of a mirror. I face what I need to work on. There's no fucking body positivity here. Exercise is aspirational. Real men are constantly improving themselves.
Don't you need a jock? Hell no! Let your dick flap free. Your balls jump around just as much, when you jack off or have rough sex. What's the difference? Jocks don't prevent hernias, and cups are strictly for protecting us from getting racked by, say, an errant baseball or hockey puck --nothing more.
What if it hurts? Work through it. Quit treating your penis like a piece of porcelain. It's tougher than you think. Gay porn is full of hot, healthy, muscular dudes running on the beach buck ass naked with their dicks swinging wildly all over the place. That's our goal: Work towards porn star looks doing nude jumping jacks and letting your cock bounce every which way slinging pre-cum on you as a badge of honor.
What if I get hard? All the better. You're a man. You should think about sex, while working out. Besides, the whole point of physical conditioning is to get better in bed. Exercise boners are natural and healthy for guys. I wish I had a dollar for every time a wrestler sported a woody in his tight singlet.
Why 60? One jumping jack lasts about a second. Sixty jumping jacks make a minute, and the next four minutes of jogging complete the five-minute cycle. The counting system based on 60 comes from the ancient Sumerians, who built the first civilization, and it's the foundation of our time, geometry, geography, and navigation.
Why they chose base 60 isn't entirely clear, but it might have something to do with the fact that 60 can be divided in convenient ways: One hour of 60 minutes yields two halves of 30 minutes, three thirds of 20 minutes, four quarters of 15, five fifths of 12, six sixths of 10, ten tenths of 6, twelve twelfths of 5, etc.
Speaking of which, if you're just starting a workout routine, it's best to begin with 5-15 minutes. Rest the next day, and on the second day, tackle a slightly larger fraction of an hour. Jump and jog two or three times a week, whatever you have time for. Work up to an hour --or even more! Just be sure to take a pissing break during one of the cool-down sessions.
Why jumping jacks for a minute? It's high peak, or High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT), that is, cycles of short, vigorous calisthenics followed by longer, cool-down exercises. This technique helps you tone up and lose weight more efficiently.
What does this have to do with being gay? Everything! Exercising balls out and bare-assed ultimately gives you more self-confidence. Your mission is to get more dick and get more tail. The more cocky you are --emotionally and sexually-- the more you'll suck and be sucked and fuck and be fucked.
Guys naturally gravitate towards men who are horny, sure of themselves, and have a high level of physical endurance --no matter what they look like. Exercising naked helps you go big and go bold, and the conditioning gives you harder and more frequent erections.
Want to be even more attractive? Quit masturbating. Try only to squirt sperm in or on another guy. Now, if you go a week or two without it, because your boyfriend or husband is sick, or you strike out online or at the gay bars, then by all means, whack off and spew out the old cum, but no blowing your load more than once a week, and only if you have to.
Of course, edging is the best of both worlds. Ceasing to jack off several times before the point of no return makes us better lovers. We learn to separate dry orgasms from ejaculation. That way, we can satisfy ourselves without feeling spent, and then, we can last longer fucking ass.
Never missing a workout beat with naked jogging and jumping jacks, plus ejaculating alone less, equals more focus on the boys. It gives us the eye of the tiger. We chat up and seduce. We ride and pound. We splooge and satisfy.
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