Learn from the Strange, the Normal, and the Beautiful of Hot Model Zack Vázquez

There he was: A Greek god wearing nothing but a bowtie and a New Year's party hat, holding a strategically-placed champagne bottle. This was the first picture I saw of Zack Vázquez. He was gracing the December 21, 2002 cover of the now-defunct Florida gay publication TLW Magazine.

Zack was sitting down holding the champagne bottle in a masturbatory pose, which was fizzing --or jizzing-- over his right hand. He overwhelmed me with his tall muscular beauty. The cover teaser read, "Pop this cork, baby!" I'm sure I wasn't the only guy who jerked off to this picture.

Since that Kevin Gore photo spread, Zack has had a strange and varied career. He has done conventional modeling, but he's no stranger to porn and nude photography. He made a solo jerkoff video for Mark Wolff.

Some of Zack's most interesting nude pictures come from the now discontinued Men magazine. In the October 2006 issue, there's a picture of him standing in a patio doorway, overlooking a beautiful forest. The sun softly highlights his rockhard muscles, and he also gives the camera the requisite "Want to fuck?" look. He sports a nice-sized penis that's been fluffed a little, as well as some well-manicured pubic hair.

Vázquez has done less risqué work for more visible venues. He flexed his muscles for All American Guys, he did a photo spread for the August 2006 issue of Men's Exercise, and he played a US Marine in an ad for the San Francisco area Gold's Gym franchises. He even appears on the covers of a few Ellora's Cave romance novels.

There's a school of thought that says if you flash your dick for adult modeling gigs, it'll hurt your career. We're not sure if that's true, but Zack's career has taken some strange turns. He's modeled for Fleshjack. Even though their ads are common on gay websites, it's debatable whether hawking a sex toy is a good career move for a fitness/fashion model or not. Solo porn and nude pictures are one thing, but a sex toy may be too low status.

Stranger still was his appearance in the straight to DVD movie Dead Boyz Don't Scream (Sharpie Films / 2006) --pun intended. The film was supposed to be a spoof on the slasher horror movies. Vázquez plays Anthony, one of a group male models who are working on an extended photo shoot --not much of a stretch there. One by one, the models are murdered in gruesomely funny ways. (Anthony's death is particularly insulting.)

Dead Boyz Don't Scream is basically a gay man's wet dream, because the models walk around nude during most of the movie for no apparent reason. While I love watching hot guys walk around buck ass naked, there has to be a reason for it in a movie. The film is supposed to be a parody, but it comes off looking stupid with all the gratuitous nudity. Maybe that's why it had to bypass the movie theatres.

Another strange aspect of Zack's career is his very name. He generally uses Zack or Zachary Vázquez for conventional work, but he tends to go by Zack Johnathan for more low-status jobs. That isn't a typo. He spells his second last name with an extra h. It gets a little confusing, because the name change doesn't depend on whether he gets naked or not. He's credited as Zack Vázquez in Dead Boyz Don't Scream. It isn't a porn film, but Zack frequently walks around balls out and bare assed.

Perhaps his weirdest gig is http://www.rockhardwrestling.com/. This is a throwback to the old erotic amateur-wrestling websites of the 90s. Our hero is known as Zack Johnathan here. There's no midsection nudity, but it's a low status job. The site basically features male models in professional wrestling matches. While I never get tired of watching Zack, this tame stuff is really for WWE fans, as well as people over 50.

Zack, like the vast majority of models, may never become a household name, but he's at least an Internet star. He's done all types of work: high status, low status, pornography, nude photography, and conventional work. History will judge his wild career. He's a 29-year-old Cuban American, who grew up in Florida, but we don't think he speaks Spanish. His now-closed MySpace profile used to feature audio of him mispronouncing Vázquez, his high-status last name.

Maybe the most interesting thing about Zack is that he forces us to face our own pathological relationships with mass media. We all admire his sculpted body in conventional, artistic nude, and full frontal photos, but do we look down on him for his Fleshjack work? Do we enjoy his Mark Wolff porn, but consider it a bad career move at the same time? How do we feel about his retro Rock Hard Wrestling videos? What about Dead Boyz Don't Scream? We love his numerous nude scenes, but can we endure a spoof that doesn't work?

Ultimately, Zack reminds us that there's such a thing as too big. A lot of people fantasize about men with humongous dicks, but in reality, those guys have trouble getting dates. In real life, most gay males and straight females don't want those huge things in them. (For you size queens, we're not talking about above average; by humongous, we mean python size.) Vázquez, from the looks of his Mark Wolff video, is a grower, not a show-er. He has a regular-sized penis that gets bigger when it counts --but not too big. Zack demonstrates that normal-sized dicks are just right. They make most everyone happy.

If anything, Vázquez helps us look at ourselves --pun intended-- and how we size up other guys --another pun intended. That's the higher purpose of hot muscle boys in porn. They inspire us to become better men through exercise and weightlifting --for sure-- but they can also make us reexamine our social boundaries and help us appreciate just how wonderful normal guys with normal dicks are. When these things happen, we make everyone around us a little happier.

Photo Credits:
TLW Magazine cover 1 -- Photographer Kevin Gore;
Patio nude 2 -- Men Magazine;
Dead Boyz Don't Scream still 3 -- Sharpie Films;
Full erection nude 4 -- Men Magazine; 
Back nude 5 -- Unknown origin;
Side nude 6 -- Zachary Vázquez Model Mayhem portfolio;
Double nudes 7 -- http://wallpapersbywwc.blogspot.com/search/label/.