Saturday, July 17, 2010

Go Down on Yourself to Improve Your Posture, Look Hotter, and Get Laid More

This dude from is trying to fellate himself, but he's also straightening his head and neck alignment. He probably has great posture.

 We talked about doing a set of pushups everyday in the post Walk the Walk of a Fucking Hot Male Model (March 2, 2009). This ritual improves posture by pushing the shoulders back and opening the chest. However, the neck is another problem area for guys.

We all lose sleep by doing too much work, studying, and/or partying, and frequently our neck pays the price. The neck literally gets tired of holding the head up. So, the head is pulled forward by gravity, out of vertical alignment with the shoulders and hips. Unfortunately, this change becomes hardwired in the neck muscles.

How can we fix this? No one wants to look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Fortunately, there's a fun way to correct this problem: Try to go down on yourself. That's right; lie on your back and try to suck your own dick. I'm serious. It works. Here's the most effective technique:

1. Get naked and lie on your back on the floor.
2. Make your dick hard.
3. Stretch out the back of your neck.
4. Extend your arms above your head on the floor.
5. Bring your straight legs forward until your toes touch the floor above your hands.
6. Breathe and hold that position for 20 seconds.
7. Bend your knees.
8. Lay your knees and lower legs on the floor above your head between your arms. 
9. Breathe and hold the position for 20 seconds.
10. Suck your dick, if you can.

Get up, go to a wall mirror, stand sideways, and check out your new posture using a hand mirror. See? Your head, shoulders, and hips are lined up now. You look like a bad ass motherfucker. People will say you look military. Translation: Your hot straight posture makes them horny, and they want you to fuck them. Of course, good posture is about the only thing straight about us gay guys.

Disclaimer: Make sure you have your doctor's permission to "practice yoga." We don't want any motherfuckers getting hurt. If your doctor's a fag, tell him what you're doing. He might want to do the same thing for his posture.

Guys should do this everyday. If you're athletic, you can add it to your daily stretching routine. If you can service yourself, well, God blessed you so much, dude. Only about three out of every 1000 guys can do that.

If you can't suck yourself, don't worry. You'll still be doing yourself the biggest favor by improving your posture, which will help you get a date. If you can't service yourself, get a boy to do it for you.

There's some anecdotal evidence that suggests if you keep trying everyday, over time you might develop the flexibility needed to pleasure yourself. Did you know that Wikipedia has an article about autofellatio? The article even has this picture of some dude sucking himself, albeit while sitting down.

So, self-cocksuckers and self-cocksucker wannabes, go down on yourself everyday, do a set of pushups everyday, walk with your head up, and always look straight ahead. Your improved posture will attract attention --and you'll get laid more. Do us proud, motherfuckers.

Photo Credits
Countertop 1 --;
Posture 2 -- Unknown origin;
Floor 3 -- Unknown origin;
Seated 4 -- "Autofillatio" from Wikipedia.


  1. To bad they pulled your images. Email them to if any one has them available for email.

    1. Thanks for letting us know, man. We'll repost the images this week.